Being the Change I Wish to See

There is good news this week on the same-sex marriage front. New Hampshire is the 6th state to legalize gay marriage. The NH legislation was signed into law on June 3, 2009.

The 6 states that perform legal same-sex marriages are:

• Massachusetts
• Connecticut
• Iowa
• Vermont (as of 9/1/2009)
• Maine (as of 9/14/2009
• New Hampshire (as of 1/1/2010)

Washington D.C. and New York recognize same-sex marriages performed in other states and countries.

California still recognizes the 18,000 or so same-sex marriages performed in that state during the period it was legal.

Other countries that perform legal same-sex marriages are:

• Belgium
• Canada
• Netherlands
• Norway
• South Africa
• Spain
• Sweden

Same-sex marriage is a civil rights issue because a specific group has been singled out for discrimination based on the genders of each of the couple desiring to marry legally. Until same-sex couples can marry just as opposite-sex couples can now, and those marriages are nationally recognized, gay and lesbian civil rights are being violated based on gender discrimination, due process of law and equal protection under the law.

As with all civil rights issues, the United States is progressive in some areas and backward in others, but eventually, equal rights are extended to everyone.

In the meantime, many gay and lesbian rights groups and the ACLU are fighting state-by-state to legalize gay marriage. When enough states have legal same-sex marriage, a federal case can be brought before the U.S. Supreme Court to repeal the federal Defense of Marriage Act of 1996, and extend equal protection under the law to marry another consenting adult to all American citizens.

Benefits of legal same-sex marriage:

• Long-term relationship stability
• Family stability
• All the rights and responsibilities of marriage (there are over 1000)
• Stable two-parent families for children
• Children are protected from loss of one parent at the whim of the other, the whims of state law changes, or the whim of states to deny child custody and adoption to LGBT parents. Should same-sex parents divorce, the children will have all the protections of children of hetero divorced parents.
• Separation of church and state is upheld
• Equal protection and due process under the law are preserved

What a lot of people don’t realize is children are deeply, negatively affected by their same-sex parents not being legally allowed to get married. If you didn’t know, many gay and lesbian couples have children, whether from previous heterosexual marriages or partnerships, artificial insemination or adoption. These children deserve the same protections as children of heterosexual parents.

Cons of legal same-sex marriage:

• None

Some very vocal people don’t like it and don’t believe LGBT people should have the same rights heterosexuals have.This position doesn’t hold legal or moral water, and it continues to allow the church to be blurred with the state, and the religious predilections of some to be imposed on a minority group.

The same arguments being used against the LGBT population on marriage are very similar to the arguments used to deny African Americans equal rights (changed by the Civil Rights Act of 1964) and for interracial couples to legally marry (legalized everywhere in 1967 in the U.S. Supreme Court case Loving v Virginia).

Those opposing same-sex marriage are going to quickly find themselves on the wrong side of history. The tide is turning rapidly toward equal rights for LGBT Americans. Five years ago only one state, Massachusetts, legalized gay marriage. It has taken only months for marriage rights to be legalized in 5 more states. Same-sex marriage rights were taken away in California or we would have 7 states with legal same-sex marriage today.

California will recover its gay marriage rights sooner rather than later because they face a legal conundrum that all the legal marriages of same-sex couples are still recognized. The legal argument becomes if several thousand same-sex couples were married in the state and the state still recognizes those marriages, how can they justify they are treating everyone equally under the law by denying marriage to more same-sex couples?

They can’t, and that is the argument that will have to go back to court or back onto a ballot. Prop 8 may have amended the CA constitution, but due process and equal protection under the law are violated by the amendment and the amendment will have to be reversed because of that fact. Many states that passed Constitutional Amendments of the same type will eventually have them overturned by due process and equal protection law suits or by means of the ballot.

I don’t think Proposition 8 would pass today if another election were held, although the vote would still be close. In a few years, the number of people who would vote against Prop 8 will increase dramatically as more states legalize same-sex marriage and the age of the population becomes slightly younger.

What those of us who support same-sex marriage rights must do is make sure we encourage young voters with similar views to vote. We must also make our views known to the people we know and to the extent possible, to our wider communities. We must be activists and advocates of our cause. Sitting on the sidelines never changed anything.

What everyone needs to understand, pro or con, is that equal protection under the law is for all Americans, and the right to marry is a protected right.

If you are against legal same-sex marriage, no one is asking you to marry someone of the same gender. No one is asking your church to be required to perform weddings. No one is asking you to like it or agree with it. The law demands, however, that you tolerate it in our society, just like interracial marriages and equal rights for African Americans and other minorities had to be and still have to be tolerated.

Don’t start on the “next people will want to marry children or their pets” argument. It’s ludicrous because children and pets cannot enter into legal contracts. Legal marriage is a legal contract and must be entered into by people of the age of majority who are legally capable of signing a contract.

Whether or not you support the right of same-sex couples to marry legally, I hope you will leave your thoughts in the comments in a civil tone which debates the issue. Hateful speech and attacks will be deleted.

Technorati Tags: being the change i wish to see, due process, equal protection under the law, gay marriage, LGBT civil rights

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I ran across this song while doing one of the Thirty Day Challenge Plus lessons, and Ed Dale is right; spot on. Ed has 3 daughters himself.

“This Is Me” from the Disney movie “Camp Rock“, sung and performed by Demi Lovato and Joe Jonas, is an extremely important song for teenage and preteen girls to hear, know, and most importantly, believe in and live by. Too many girls have low self-esteem because they don’t believe they are good enough just as they are right now, this minute.

If you ask almost any woman if she could live life over, what would she change. My answer is that I don’t want to do it over. It would mean going through puberty again, and being a teenager with low self-esteem that took a lot to overcome. That’s not something I ever want to repeat. I’m sure I’m not alone here. I would have liked to figure out I was gay then, and maybe that would have changed some things, but gay wasn’t cool 30 years ago. I didn’t even know what gay was. I didn’t know anyone who was gay then.

Songs like “This Is Me” are giving girls a positive role model to follow, and to teach them that they are just fine exactly the way they are. They must learn being authentic is who they are supposed to be. It doesn’t matter whether she’s average, a band geek, a cheerleader, an athlete, a math and science nerd, valedictorian, skinny, not-so-skinny, straight, lesbian or bi, or even the lesbian athlete who becomes homecoming queen. She’s got to know in her soul she is someone to be very proud of.

Have a listen:

Here are the lyrics:

I’ve always been the kind of girl
that hid my face
So afraid to tell the world
what i’ve got to say
But i have this dream
bright inside of me
I’m gonna let it show, it’s time
To let you know, to let you know…

This is real, this is me
Im exactly where im supposed to be now
Gonna let the light shine on me
Now i’ve found, who i am
There’s no way to hold it in
No more hiding who i wanna be
This is me

Do you know what it’s like
to feel so in the dark
To dream about a life
where you’re the shining star
Even though it seems,
like it’s too far away
I have to believe in myself,
it’s the only way…

This is real, this is me
Im exactly where im supposed to be now
Gonna let the light shine on me
Now i’ve found, who i am
There’s no way to hold it in
No more hiding who i wanna be
This is me

You’re the voice i hear inside my head
The reason that im singin’
I need to find you
I gotta find you
You’re the missing piece i need
The song inside of me
I need to find you
I gotta find you

This is real, this is me
Im exactly where im supposed to be now
Gonna let the light shine on me
Now i’ve found, who i am
There’s no way to hold it in
No more hiding who i wanna be

This is me
(You’re the missing piece i need the song inside on me)
This is me, Yeah
(You’re the voice i hear inside my head, the reason that im singing)

Now i’ve found, who i am
There’s no way to hold it in
No more hiding who i wanna be
This is me

Copyright to Walt Disney Records
Category: Music
Tags:
camp rock this is me jonas brothers demi lovato full hq lyrics

The most important thing about this song in particular is if you search “This Is Me” on YouTube you get around 100,000 hits, and several hundred to a few thousand videos are self-made by ordinary girls performing this song. They are at one of the most fragile emotional and self-identity states in their lives, and yet they are putting themselves out there on YouTube, in public, and taking the good, the bad, and the ugly that comes with it. They may be scared, but they’re out there playing, singing and paying their dues.

Here is one of my favorite amateurs, Savannah. You can tell she has spent a huge amount of her life on music; singing and guitar lessons. She must have very supportive parents:

Savannah’s video has been viewed about 1.5 million times and voted on several hundred thousand times. There are nearly 14,000 comments.

Think back. Could you see yourself at 15 recording yourself performing in any way, and then putting it on something like YouTube for literally the entire world to see and comment on? For me, clarinet solos while the rest of my high school band played the background was scary enough. The criticism of my peers and mentors was hard enough to take. I can’t imagine getting some of the hateful comments these girls have gotten, even though the very negative ones are far fewer than the very positive ones. But when you honestly feel you’re okay, and the only thing that really matters is what you think of you, what everyone else says roles off your back like water off a duck.

In ten years, I expect to see a new explosion in music composition and performance that we haven’t seen since maybe the 1960′s. In ten years, a lot of these girls will be the next Janet Robin, Jen Corday, Nancy Wilson of Heart, or her sister, lead singer of Heart, Ann Wilson. They started when they were very young learning to play the guitar and sing. Ann’s original instrument is flute, but she is quite good at guitar now, though she is no Nancy. Of course, Nancy is no Ann when it comes to vocals. But I digress…

If you go back to Heart’s albums from 30 years ago and compare them to their performances today, it’s amazing to see how much they have grown and matured musically and professionally. My favorite comparison is “Dog and Butterfly” from the album “Dog and Butterfly” in about 1978 and “Dog and Butterfly” from their “Live in Seattle” performance in 2003, or even their “The Road Home” performance in 1995. These sisters are in their 50′s now, still performing, going on tour, and are better than ever.

Ann and Nancy Wilson, Janet Robin, and Jen Corday are an inspiration to what these young girls can achieve if they don’t give up on themselves, are willing to pay their dues in practice and rejection, and still stay strong and true to themselves.

But girls also need role models to help them see themselves as okay, at that age, just the way they are.

If you’re a mom or dad of a teenage or preteen girl, or you are a mentor of teenage and preteen girls (teacher, coach, scout leader, etc. I’m a teacher.) I hope you are doing everything in your power to help them through this difficult period of their lives while helping to build their self-esteem and keep it intact. They may need tough love, but they’ve got to know it’s love and support they can depend on.

Technorati Tags: Ann Wilson of Heart, Camp Rock, Demi Lovato, Disney, girls and self-esteem, Joe Jonas, Nancy Wilson of Heart

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